Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
