I feel like abortions should bother me more
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
