Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
