I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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