I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
