Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she smelled like a LAN party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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