I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
