its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
