nut hugger
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
