if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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