Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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