Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
