So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
