I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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