Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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