Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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