Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
