I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
