Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Say something about gay babies.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
