Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
