I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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