i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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