Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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