I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
