I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
