Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
