Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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