Non-Jews are for practice
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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