You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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