Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
