Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
