she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
