I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
