He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
