first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
