i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
