don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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