at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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