Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
