Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
