Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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