U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
