4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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