The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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