for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is Oprah even human
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
