omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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