I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
