Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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