And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
