I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
