Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
