You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
