I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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